The Emotional Journey of Surrogacy: Tips for Intended Parents and Surrogates


Tips for Intended Parents and Surrogates

Surrogacy is a process in which a woman carries a pregnancy on behalf of another person or couple who will become the legal parents of the child. Surrogacy can be a wonderful and rewarding experience for both intended parents and surrogates, but it can also be an emotionally challenging journey. In this article, we will explore the emotional journey of surrogacy and offer tips for intended parents and surrogates to help navigate the process.

I. Emotional journey for intended parents

For intended parents, surrogacy can be a rollercoaster of emotions. Dealing with infertility and loss is a challenging journey that can take a toll on one’s mental health. The decision to pursue surrogacy can be both exciting and terrifying, as there are many unknowns in the process. Finding the right surrogate is a critical step in the journey.

Intended parents must consider many factors, including the surrogate’s health, lifestyle, and personality. Building a relationship with the surrogate is crucial to the success of the process. Regular communication, trust, and mutual respect are essential to create a positive and supportive environment for everyone involved. The pregnancy and birth process can also be emotionally challenging for intended parents. It is a time of anticipation, anxiety, and joy. Intended parents may feel disconnected from the pregnancy experience and struggle with bonding with the baby. It is essential to seek support during this time and to stay connected with the surrogate to ensure that everyone feels supported and cared for.

Bonding with the baby can be a beautiful and transformative experience for intended parents. It is crucial to remember that the surrogate is an integral part of the baby’s life and to honor her role in the process.

II. Emotional journey for surrogates

Surrogacy is a deeply personal decision that can be driven by a desire to help others and make a difference in the world. Motivations for becoming a surrogate vary, but many surrogates feel a sense of fulfillment and purpose in helping others achieve their dreams of parenthood.


Selecting intended parents is a crucial step in the surrogacy process. Surrogates must consider the intended parents’ values, personalities, and expectations. Navigating relationships with intended parents can also be emotionally challenging for surrogates. Surrogates may feel a sense of responsibility and commitment to the intended parents, but may also struggle with boundaries and expectations.  It is important for surrogates to communicate openly and honestly with the intended parents about their feelings and needs. Managing expectations and boundaries is another emotional challenge for surrogates. Surrogates may need to set boundaries with intended parents related to their involvement in the pregnancy and birth, as well as their expectations of the surrogate’s behavior during the pregnancy.

The pregnancy and birth process can be physically and emotionally demanding for surrogates. It is a time of sacrifice and dedication, and surrogates must prioritize their health and well-being. Navigating the medical procedures, appointments, and potential complications can be stressful, and surrogates must seek support and guidance when needed. Saying goodbye to the baby can be an emotional experience for surrogates. It is essential to remember that the baby’s future lies with the intended parents and to honor the surrogate’s role in the process.

III. Tips for Intended Parents and Surrogates

To have a positive surrogacy experience, intended parents and surrogates should prioritize communication, counseling or therapy, building a support system, being respectful and understanding of each other’s feelings and needs, celebrating milestones and achievements together, and taking care of themselves physically and mentally.

a. Communication 

Effective communication is crucial, and is key throughout the surrogacy process. Intended parents and surrogates should establish clear expectations and boundaries and should communicate openly and honestly about any concerns or challenges that arise. This can help to prevent misunderstandings and ensure a positive relationship throughout the surrogacy process.

b. Building a support system

It is also important for intended parents and surrogates to have a strong support system throughout the surrogacy journey. This may include family and friends, as well as legal and medical professionals who can provide guidance and support. Intended parents and surrogates should also consider joining a support group or online community to connect with others who have been through the surrogacy process.

Legal and medical professionals can play a critical role in providing support and guidance throughout the surrogacy journey. Intended parents and surrogates should choose professionals who are experienced in surrogacy and who can provide guidance on the legal and medical aspects of the process. They may also want to work with a mental health professional who specializes in surrogacy to address any emotional challenges that arise.

c. Counselling/Therapy

Seeking out counseling or therapy can also be beneficial for intended parents and surrogates. Counseling can provide a safe space to explore complex emotions related to surrogacy and can help both parties develop coping strategies.

Other ways which could be of benefit to both parties are:

  1. Celebrating milestones and achievements together can help both intended parents and surrogates feel a sense of accomplishment and pride in the surrogacy journey. Milestones such as positive pregnancy tests, prenatal appointments, and the birth of the baby can be celebrated together with the support system.
  2. Taking care of oneself physically and mentally is also important throughout the surrogacy process. Intended parents and surrogates should prioritize self-care activities such as exercise, healthy eating, and stress management techniques. This can help both parties maintain their emotional and physical well-being throughout the surrogacy journey.


The emotional journey of surrogacy can be complex and challenging, but it can also be an incredibly rewarding experience for both intended parents and surrogates. However, with communication, counseling, a strong support system, respect and understanding for each other’s feelings and needs, celebration of milestones, and self-care, intended parents and surrogates can have a positive surrogacy experience. The key is to prioritize emotional support throughout the surrogacy journey and to seek out help when needed.




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